Busy??

I remember each day that my children were born.  The first time, it was so unreal.  Was I really going to be a mom?  This is it, I officially have someone else to take care of.  Another little person in this world, that we had made.  Then came number 2!  I thought I knew it all, that once I did it once it was going to be the same with another.  Boy was I wrong!  I then had to adjust to splitting myself two ways.   Giving up the things I could do for myself daily that I could not do sometimes with two littles ones, that I put before me!  Sometimes, yes, that even means a shower!  Which I have come to appreciate more and more! 

This brings my next question up...is it OK to just decide one day that you don't think you have to try as hard with your kids??  That you think it is OK that after they have left the house, to not enjoy the rest of your life with them? 

I don't think so.  And I don't think that I am the only one that feels this way.  When I became a mother, I devoted myself to my children for the rest of my life.  I am a mother from the second they took their first breath to second I take my last.  I can't imagine a day in my life when I don't think about my kids.  When I don't look forward to watching them grow from babies to toddlers.  Then into the dreaded teenage years.  Graduating high school, and then going to college.  Finding a soul mate, marrying and having children.  I will someday grow not only as a mother, but to a grandmother.  I get to see my babies having babies!  Starting a family as I did when I was young.  Watching them grow into amazing fathers, as my husband is.

I don't think I could ever just stop one day and say, "I put so much time in when they were growing, now I am taking all time to myself".  Now I know, it is only natural to have time alone after the kids leave.  That is when we start our journey into adulthood.  That is when you hold on.  When you make sure you keep in touch to help them with their journey.  Not abandon them and move on. 

As you can tell I am a little touchy with this.  I haven't really spoken to my mother in about 3 years.  If I have it's been a "hey, how are you" kind of thing.  It makes me sick.  I have tried and tried.  Accepted her for who she is now.  Remembering how awesome she was as a mom when we were growing up.  And totally not understanding the person she has become.  When I say, "Hi I haven't heard from you in a while.  How's everything going"?  And I get, "Oh good, sorry just been busy".  Busy??  With what??  Ugh those words hurt me so bad.  So busy, huh.  Trysten is growing so much, though he doesn't know who you are anymore.  And Dominic, he still hasn't met you.  No clue on how amazing they are.  How when I am sad, they cheer me up.  And when I know they are having a hard time I help them.   How I try to be the best mom that I can be even though I can't ever just pick up the phone and talk to my mom because she is too "busy".

BUSY.  A word that shouldn't be allowed sometimes. I know, I am guilty of it too.  But I try to change it.  I know people who have been cut short with their parents.  Who don't have a mother or father on this earth anymore and would love just for another minute with them.  They didn't get to see their kids grow into the people they are today.  Yet, some still take for granted the time they can spend.  The time they are missing to do unimportant things.  I have done all I can to try and make her see.  But I feel like I have come to the end of the rope.  I don't know what else to do.

I pray everyday for her to see.  To see what she is missing.  That if she called tomorrow and said she was sorry and is going to make an honest effort, I would let her.  So I am asking, if you are reading this, please pray.  She needs it, as do I. 

Carrie